Things You'd Grill If You Were A Bear

As human Beasts we grill steaks, burgers and brats. But what would a real beast throw on his flaming outdoor oven? We asked a local bear for some summer grilling suggestions:


This nutritious, pink fish is an obvious no brainer since it’s very important in a bear’s diet. You definitely want to head over to the nearest stream and snatch up a few of these bad boys. They also give you a healthy coat and lower your bear cholesterol. 


Whale blubber contains up to 4,000 calories per ounce, making it a great protein to grill if your end goal is to store fat for the next winter. One humpback whale can feed up to 6 brown bears, so it’s a perfect meal if you are having some of your buddies over.

Tip: When grilling a whale, it’s best to cut it up into sections since your average grill most likely isn’t big enough to grill the entire whale at once.

Mussels and Barnacles

If you’re looking for something light to serve, go with mussels and barnacles. These salty small bites make a wonderful appetizer or small plate. You can pick these up at your local beach during low tide.

Mountain Goats

Spring is an exciting time to take to the mountains for shopping because winter mountain goat casualties are in peak season. Not only does this make for a great grill, it also doesn’t require any hunting. If you are a lazy bear, this is a great option for you. 

Side Dishes

Items that are great to serve on the side of any of the above items: bumblebees, blueberries, sand fleas, birds, bird eggs, and beer.

After Dinner

After you eat, bathe in a nearby stream with your buddies.


Let us know if you have any other questions about being a bear.